The Session #69 – The Perfect Beer World

And now for this month’s Session.

This month it is from Jorge at Brew Beer And Drink It.  I’ll say it now – rock on, Jorge.  There are two reasons for this:  Uno) Jorge lives in Arizona (right on, Jorge); Dos) Jorge has a straightforward, western, to the point, no beating-around-the-bush, call a spade a spade, etc., name for his blog (right on, Jorge); Tres) – oh, right, I said two reasons, yes, my bad.

Anyway, Jorge presented this theme:

 … what is something you would like to see change… something that will take us closer to the Perfect Beer World?

It’s so simple that it pains me to make the obvious statement.  The Beer World shall indeed be perfect whence-forth it has accepted me as its rightful King.

Until then, I suppose there could be some other changes.  I shall try to conceive of them.  Well, at least think of them.  Ah, wait, here they are, approaching me as vassals should, with their knees bent, beating themselves upon the head, desiring to kiss my awesome Ring of Power. ( isn’t it awesome, it opens beer bottles, you see.)  They quietly and respectfully tell me the things that the World of Beer must know and alter so that it may live on to times indefinite …

FIRST AND FOREMOST
American craft brewers, please, stop with your incessant belief that hops is the greatest beer ingredient since the Egyptians started fermenting whatever they fermented and called it beer!  I mean, really!  Let me illustrate with some imaginary dialogue between a producer of fine beer (Brewer) and a consumer of this fine beer (Drinker).

“Behold,” says Brewer and he holds forth his newest libation, a glistening copper nectar. 

“Oh, lovely, what is it?” says Drinker, appreciator of all that is sacred and beery.  “What makes it utterly unbelievable and greater than all other beers?”

“I put hops in it,” says Brewer. 

A record scratching sound imposes itself into the conversation.  “What the …” says Drinker.  “You mean like Joe across the street?”

Brewer smiles a smile of smugness.  “Nay, Little Joe put in his amber beer only a couple of ounces of hops.  I, I have put seven hundred and eighty five ounces of hops in my three gallon pilot brew.  I shall make hop farmers wealthy land barons!”

Drinker rolls his eyes.  “Whatever, Bill put 784 ounces in his.”

Stop it.

SECOND AND SECONDMOST
There can be a separation of alcohol worlds.  It’s okay.  What do I mean by this?

Stop being such snobs!  Brewers and beer judges are starting to sound like uppity wine people, blabbing on about the age of their barrels and the vanilla bouquet of [insert French sounding words here] and going all geeky about how the cuvee de amber of what’s-his-name just sublimely complements the current of currants in a grease braised country fried steak.  Whatever.

Granted, the tastes and flavors of beer are sophisticated and generous, as much or more so than wine.  But that does not mean beer people should try to be, well, see above.  Come on.  Beer is the ultimate social drink.  Sharing a beer with someone puts each drinker on the same playing field – just another human enjoying humanity’s greatest beverage with another human.  Open, honesty, happy – that’s beer.  So act that way!

ONE LAST ITEM OF NOTE
Wouldn’t be great if beer was free?

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2 Comments

  1. Last night I tried a Dogfishhead Burton Barton. Between the hops and the abv I had a hard time finishing it. But the smell when I poured it was incredible. Anyway, point his, Ihad aa similar thought, so agree with you on the hops thing. And the free beer thing, that would be cool too.

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